hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
