hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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