can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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