there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
