my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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