There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
