that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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