she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
