It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
