I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize