worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
