You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
