Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
