if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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