Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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