I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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