all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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