What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
