its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize