I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
not ubering you a puppy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
