I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
