You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
