i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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