yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
