Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
