what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
