stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
