Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
