3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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