She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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