you have to choose: penises or morals?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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