So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
birth control should be required to get into college
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
