my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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