she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
