VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
