just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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