she woke up with a sticky ear
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
