I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
