Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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