u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
