Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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