I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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