Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
