we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
