they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
