i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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