Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
