I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i think i just lost a toe
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
