I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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