Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize