I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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