mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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