It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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