Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize