It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
