dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
