Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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