i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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