Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it was like his penis was on wheels.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
