Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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