So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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