Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
