Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
