Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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