Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
