what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
