It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
