My room smells like vodka and shame
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
