So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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