I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
