I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
