yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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