you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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