Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
