I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
