Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
