I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
