I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
