you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
