There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
