I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
