No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
