You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
