Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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