i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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