Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
