i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
