Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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