im holly from the hills drunk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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