My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
