I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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