My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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