My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
