Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize