they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Panties = found
Randomize
