He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
