This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
