I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
