my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
