Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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