if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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