You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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