Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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