I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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