i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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