My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
