hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
