I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
