I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
