3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
