I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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