I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
